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Pinoy humor in neon lights

Are Pinoy signboards tacked on food stores, pharmacies boutiques and video shops more humorous and literate than those you encounter on jeepneys or buses? If those bouncing in Internet are any indication, they are. Read on:

“God knows Hudas Not Pay.” That’s not misspelled political statement on Imelda Marcos & Co. It’s a street theologian’s version of Divine omniscience scrawled on a jeepney's tailboard.

On a bus careening down Edsa, another grammatically fractured sign counsels scared passengers. “Full String To Stop Driver.” Did these painters ever master “three Rs” before dropping out from school? Of every 100 kids who enter elementary school, the education department wails, 36 quit before Grade 6.

Are those who paint shop signboards better educated? Or were the shop-owners college grads?  About the country’s 12 percent of the labor force had college degrees, we looked. And 33 percent finished high school. Flip through some of their handiwork. 

“Tapsi-Turbi,", for example, dishes out tapa, sinangag, at itlog—dried meat, fried rice and eggs served sunny side up.

“And l pride" apparently leads signboards artists to flag locations. A panciteria on Boni Ave. is named “Pansit ng Taga Malabon.” And “Side” is a side street restaurant, tucked beside the glistening five-star Mandarin Oriental in Makati.

“The Fried of Marikina” offers fried chicken in—where else? In the city that rose from a cesspool into a topnotcher of the Asian Institute of Management’s coveted awards for outstanding cities.

Even signboards for Chinatown stalks flag their hopia (sweet cakes). Mr. Ho runs “Holland Hopia.” Next door is: “Poland Hopia.” That’s owned by Mr. Po.

Food has become even more international. Driving thru Cainta, in Rizal, you can make a pit stop at “Caintucky Friend Chicken.”  Looking for a burger when in Naga City? Then drop by at Mang Donald’s.” It doesn’t have a golden arch though.

“Leon King Video Rental,” in Las Piñas, has the latest flicks. And so has “Fernando Pe’s Box Office Hits” in Palawan. “But “Maid To Order” is a domestic helper’s placement agency.

“Candies Be Love?” reads a confectionary store shingle. “Let’s Goat Together” is the come-on extended by a kambingan-cu-beer garden. At the Quad in Makati, a lumpia outlet sports the sign: ‘Wrap And Roll.” And “Bread Pitt” is a bakery.

Pinoy love to eat, often late into the night. Thus, “Doris Day And Night” is a 24–hour eatery. For those who want a second serving there’s always “Babalik Karinderias.”

Eating out, though, is a treat only few Filipinos can afford—Jinggoy, Johnny Ponce, Bongbong and Co. excepted. Almost 27 percent here scrimp below the poverty line. And 24 out of every 100 of the population are malnourished.

Other signs, nonetheless, spotlight the specialty of the house. A Greenbelt   fast-food shop—“Maruya Currey”—offers turon and maruya. “Mikki Mao” is a noodle house. At “Goto Heaven,” tripe is served in steaming congee or hot porridge.

When customers bite into “Celopata’s” deep-fried pig knuckles, they shuck   off cholesterol anxiety. Crispy pata is served.   Fish catches in Southeast Asia have plummeted as most of coral reefs here have been damaged. But menus at seafood restaurants proudly boast of entrees like: “Isda Best” and “Hipon Coming Back.”

They also offer “Pusit To The Limit.” But that’s not for diners who, like Noel Coward, think squid has “the taste of ho India rubber.”

Some however, prefer pork chops and T-bone steaks. For these carnivores, the place to head for is “Meating Place.” Prices here are competitive with those in “Meatropolis.”

After doing the groceries, ladies do have choices. First, they can slip into “Cinna Von”—a play on the word “sabon” or soap. This is your friendly laundromat.

Or they can purchase medicines at nearby “Memory Drug.” Completing those chores, ladies can proceed to: “The Way We Wear” (a boutique) or “Curl Up And Dye” (a beauty salon).


Men drop in at “Goldilocks.” No, this is not the pastry chain but a barbershop. After a trim ‘n shave, “Goldirocks” is literally a stone’s throw away. They take orders for sand and gravel.

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