Are Pinoy signboards
tacked on food stores, pharmacies boutiques and video shops more humorous and
literate than those you encounter on jeepneys or buses? If those bouncing in
Internet are any indication, they are. Read on:
“God knows Hudas
Not Pay.” That’s not misspelled political statement on Imelda Marcos & Co.
It’s a street theologian’s version of Divine omniscience scrawled on a
jeepney's tailboard.
On a bus careening
down Edsa, another grammatically fractured sign counsels scared passengers.
“Full String To Stop Driver.” Did these painters ever master “three Rs”
before dropping out from school? Of every 100 kids who enter elementary school,
the education department wails, 36 quit before Grade 6.
Are those who
paint shop signboards better educated? Or were the shop-owners college grads?
About the country’s 12 percent of the labor force had college degrees, we
looked. And 33 percent finished high school. Flip through some of their
handiwork.
“Tapsi-Turbi,",
for example, dishes out tapa, sinangag,
at itlog—dried meat, fried rice and
eggs served sunny side up.
“And l pride"
apparently leads signboards artists to flag locations. A panciteria on Boni
Ave. is named “Pansit ng Taga Malabon.” And “Side” is a side street restaurant,
tucked beside the glistening five-star Mandarin Oriental in Makati.
“The Fried of
Marikina” offers fried chicken in—where else? In the city that rose from a
cesspool into a topnotcher of the Asian Institute of Management’s coveted
awards for outstanding cities.
Even signboards
for Chinatown stalks flag their hopia (sweet
cakes). Mr. Ho runs “Holland Hopia.” Next door is: “Poland Hopia.” That’s owned
by Mr. Po.
Food has become
even more international. Driving thru Cainta, in Rizal, you can make a pit stop
at “Caintucky Friend Chicken.” Looking for a burger when in Naga
City? Then drop by at Mang Donald’s.” It doesn’t have a golden arch though.
“Leon King Video
Rental,” in Las Piñas, has the latest flicks. And so has “Fernando Pe’s Box
Office Hits” in Palawan. “But “Maid To Order” is a domestic helper’s placement
agency.
“Candies Be Love?”
reads a confectionary store shingle. “Let’s Goat Together” is the come-on
extended by a kambingan-cu-beer
garden. At the Quad in Makati, a lumpia
outlet sports the sign: ‘Wrap And Roll.” And “Bread Pitt” is a bakery.
Pinoy love to eat,
often late into the night. Thus, “Doris Day And Night” is a 24–hour eatery. For
those who want a second serving there’s always “Babalik Karinderias.”
Eating out,
though, is a treat only few Filipinos can afford—Jinggoy, Johnny Ponce,
Bongbong and Co. excepted. Almost 27 percent here scrimp below the poverty
line. And 24 out of every 100 of the population are malnourished.
Other signs,
nonetheless, spotlight the specialty of the house. A Greenbelt fast-food
shop—“Maruya Currey”—offers turon and
maruya. “Mikki Mao” is a noodle
house. At “Goto Heaven,” tripe is served in steaming congee or hot porridge.
When customers
bite into “Celopata’s” deep-fried pig knuckles, they shuck off
cholesterol anxiety. Crispy pata is
served. Fish catches in Southeast Asia have plummeted as most of coral
reefs here have been damaged. But menus at seafood restaurants proudly boast of
entrees like: “Isda Best” and “Hipon Coming Back.”
They also offer
“Pusit To The Limit.” But that’s not for diners who, like Noel Coward, think
squid has “the taste of ho India rubber.”
Some however,
prefer pork chops and T-bone steaks. For these carnivores, the place to head
for is “Meating Place.” Prices here are competitive with those in
“Meatropolis.”
After doing the
groceries, ladies do have choices. First, they can slip into “Cinna Von”—a play
on the word “sabon” or soap. This is your friendly laundromat.
Or they can
purchase medicines at nearby “Memory Drug.” Completing those chores, ladies
can proceed to: “The Way We Wear” (a boutique) or “Curl Up And Dye” (a
beauty salon).
Men drop in at
“Goldilocks.” No, this is not the pastry chain but a barbershop. After a trim
‘n shave, “Goldirocks” is literally a stone’s throw away. They take orders for
sand and gravel.
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