42nd Wedding Anniversary: Pain, frustration, and joy and laughter; yet a success and an accomplishment

The writer and his wife Gloria

I can’t help but a bit be emotional and surprised as I opened my Facebook this morning as I normally do now as part of my hobbies and pastime besides writing special journals and special activities as my first love is writing fiction, non fiction, poetry, feature stories, novel and novelette and other sort of literary genre.

[Note: I didn’t want fb before, not at all as people were saying it is a waste of time. But I can’t help anymore that my apoko Cheryl Lee Yoro Rosete taught me how to do it in a simple basic way during my one-month vacation in my hometown and birthplace, Tapao, Sinait, Ilocos Sur in October 2012 and  part of my learning is to be more familiar, an fb friend, a newly found townmate who now lives in Ortega, Naguilian, La Union, and a layout artist with Timpuyog Journal which I am a Hawaii Correspondent, so kindly enough taught me over fb at her own time.]

As I opened my FB in my timeline, a letter written by Cheryl Lei Yoro Balcita, my one and only daughter with my wife Gloria. I have no idea how Lei gets these. With a 15-second videotaped seven selected photos. The first one is when Gloria newly arrived in Hawaii June 1973; second is when we had a special dinner on Top of the Eye, the top most level of the Ala Moana Hotel as I was awarded “Achiever of the Year February 1980” by the Tri Media Council; the third was taken in the Big Island or Hawaii Grande; fourth was taken at the Sea Life Park, one of the tourist spots in Oahu, at the altar in our 40^th anniversary, and last was taken in front of our porch for the 42^nd anniversary.

The letter goes like this:

Rev Canon Randolph VN Albano, St. Paul's church Vicar  with the writer and my wife Gloria.Fr. Randy is from Bacarra, Gloria is an alumnae of Nortwestern College Laoag

“January 2, 2015. Today, Friday my parents celebrate 42 years of marriage. If you know them, you know that there has rarely been two people more well-suited for one another. God truly created them as a team. They are better together. My parents provide a wonderful example for me personally when it comes to marriage. I’ve learned from them what a beautiful, Godly marriage between two best friends can look like. They are an inspiration to me!

Honestly, marriage is hard. There are days when you have to call back to the commitments you made at the height of romantic feelings, and be loyal to them even in the depths of anger or frustration. Some days feel wonderful, and some days feel, not so wonderful. But through it all, if you’re willing to put in the work, marriage can also be the most amazing relational experience on this side of eternity. 
When two lives become one, something so incredible happens: God makes you stronger because of your spouse and vice versa.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!
Your love is amazing!

Greetings from relatives, friends, fellow community leaders followed: Like Yvonne Yoro: Happy Anniversary Auntie and Uncle.

Thank you Yvonne Yoro, its 42 years in our journey—we are looking forward for the Golden and Diamond—hoping God or Almighty Father will give us that precious gift in our lives.

Venus Mangrubang said Happy Anniversary Manong and Manang. God Bless you both.

Thank you, thank you Venus Mangrubang—Thanks God, we made it for another year

And from a close friend, one time legal consultant and OFCC Council legal adviser for many years, who also brought me in into St. Paul’s Church as he was Bishop’s Warden [President] and I was a Chair for the 30^th Anniversary, 1989, and Junior Warden [VP] 1990, when he left, then I became BW for 16 years, the longest ever serving BW appointed by three Bishops Donald Hart, Richard Chang and Robert Fitzpartrick [1991-2007] [good morning myself] I am referring to Atty. Alfredo G. Evangelista. Thank you Attorney, yes, it is hard to believe how fast, how hard to work on and live in 365 days each year. With pain, with ups/down, with laughter and with prayers, thanks God—we made it to 42 with same Gloria with two wonderful grandchildren: CJ Boy and Princess Lia and one loving daughter: Cheryl Lei

Thank you Davelyn Quijano. Yeah! I won a GRAND PRIZE today—that brings me back that typical day on January 2, 1973 in Manila as Rev. Alberto Layson officiated the simple matrimony in a sacred sacramental vow—and the simple luncheon at the Aristocrat restaurant along Roxas Boulevard with our two sponsors: my travel agent Remy Aldanese and  Mario Galang, taxi driver first and last time meeting with him as we hired him as part of the ala-Las Vegas wedding: quick and swift, before we proceeded to Sinait—hahaha—but it is small world, somebody still found us and gave me a surprise visit.

Then comes Bert Ugalino’s greeting: Happy anniversary, kumadre and kumpadre. Bert is considered the “Father of Mrs. Hawaii Filipina” UFCH, for the Scholarship Program for hundreds of awarded recipients. As he said to: Kompadre, I found ways to fund the project, I certainly need your help, lets look for a good candidate/s to make the program work with a safe and solvent funds.” I added: I am for it, joint pockets: husband and wife financial support” That was 1997-1988 when Bert was the UFCH president and until this, the Mrs. Hawaii Filipina is on alive. Bert and his wife Irene are now in Magsingal enjoying raising pigs, chickens, bisukol, vegetables, mushrooms and all edible foods in their farms.

And Nancy Walch says: Happy Anniversary Amado Yoro and Cheers to the 42 Years of Love, Joy, Pain, Success, Failures, Happiness, Sorrow, Wealth, Health, Sickness, etc.- all of which constitute a true loving and strong marital relationship and the two of you are one of the living proofs. So, Congratulations and here is to the next 42 years of Marriage Bliss! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Nancy Walch and your loving half Gerhart, thank you for the greetings—yes, I believe we've found some right FORMULA, the right CHEMISTRY , Techniques and style of Real Marriage—though we still looking for a better one, should there be others somewhere sometimes—what I can say and let me add also what were mentioned above: pasidumri, lua, katawa, prescription bills, utility bills, grace periods, deadlines, what to give to church, to community, to mission, to fundraisings, to scholarship, prizes to literary contests, drama, cultural, installations, conventions, conferences, others—live with those things are considered happy life—agbayag ken agbiagka a naragsak.

Then comes Dr. Aurelio Solver Agcaoili, versatile, writer, author and Carlos Palanca Awardee, a left handed writer: Congratulations and may you have many, many more anniversaries.

Thank you Dr. Ariel, wen, dayta metten ti kawasnay ti panagitured ti dapantayo a nagna iti "tuok, rigat, gin-awa—after the I do, so help me God" bareng no maisurottayo pay iti baro a bersion ti Agbiag iti ‘agbayag’ a naparnuay idi Christmas party ti Ilocos Surian Ass’n Dec 13 idiay Neal Blaisdell Park. AGBAYAG [stay up longer and more power].

Then Helen Santos Padua, writes: I think that pretty lady is the love of your life. Congratulations to both of you. Bring her back home for vacation. We missed her so much.

Kunak met: intinnag ti langit kunadansa itay, imagine: I was an open book to her and I was at DWCL from college fraternity, as a member and officer of the Beta Sigma Upsilon Fraternity then master of initiation to induction way back in 1968, she became my guest though she was from NWC, then I left for Hawaii in July 1971—more than 5000 miles away and I have China Airlines to bring me home to Manila for Christmas 1972—on January 2, 1973 we got married in Manila—and on June 30, 1973, she joined me in Hawaii, lived together in a 9x12 feet rental room. Early 1978, we bought a four-bedroom house on our own, then sold it after three years, bought another one, a five-bedroom up and down—but we ended up in this old sugar plantation house used to have three bedrooms but I put up an additional two rooms to make it five where nine of us are in this house now with two grandkids, what a story, this 42 years gave.

More greetings from well-wishers from other places, friends, relatives, fellow writers followed, by telephone, by fb: Angie Santiago, Eddie Agas Sr., Perlita Yoro Fernandez, Andel Barroga, Eduardo Padaoan, Ernie Pascua, Paul Cortes, Jeffrey de Mesa, Romulo Basuel, Maria Teresa Benas, Ely Raquel, and others.

Kastoy manen ti inusratna iti maika-41^st wedding anniversarymi.

January 2, 2014:

Dear Mom & Dad,

Thank you for showing me what a MARRIAGE is. Thank you for keeping it real, keeping your vows, and keeping our family together. After so many years, it’s natural to assume that couples just kind of fall into the same patterns of their lives or simply ignore the issues that come up.

But that’s not you.

You guys work (hard) at it every single day. I’ve seen the growth in the relationship you have with each other. I appreciate the effort you put into your marriage…to our family.

I admire you for that.

I respect you for that.

I thank you for that.

I’ve been incredibly blessed to have a mom and dad who have stayed together for so long. Many relationships don’t work out, so growing up with parents who have such a loving and devoted union of life is a blessing. Your constancy has always been there for me to rely on. Your love has always been an example for me. By working to overcome the struggles that all couples have, you not only made each other happy, but created a healthy environment for me to grow into the person I am today.

Thank you, Mom and Dad. You have given me an amazing example to follow. You two are true partners and I’m grateful and so blessed to have witnessed 33 of the last 41 years of your life together. I love you both so very much. You guys are the best. 

Thank you for everything!

Happy 41^st Anniversary!

Your daughter,

Cheryl Lei

Thank you, Lei. I appreciate your letter to me and Mom. I can't hold my tears rolling down to my cheeks as I am reading your letter, balasangko, Yes, we tried to hold the rope to the end. This is our 41st wedding anniversary as we had a very simple wedding on Jan 2, 1973 in Manila with only 2 souls who witnessed that brief, instant wedding before we go to Sinait for reason. This bring me back 41 years back in Manila as we celebrated this wedding at the Aristocrat Restaurant at the Roxas Blvd nearby the US Embassy. Only my travel agent and the taxi driver were witnessed and had lunch with us. The taxi driver was a first time I met for the first and last time after the lunch and after he dropped us at the Hotel Aurelio where I was housed, and where you Mom met me as I arrived at the hotel before New Year 1973. [Before I arrived in Manila via China Airlines, I had a stopover in Tokyo, Japan, and had a slept over at the Mandarin Hotel, Taipei]

I admit, this marriage is NOT PERFECT. We have ups and downs—but we survived by the grace of our good Almighty God. God is good. Though we have tested how strong this marriage is- with trials, tribulations, still we both built a foundation. BEST CHEMISTRY I DISCOVERED, and still searching for the best element, I believe LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, forget-forgive, not fault finding, communication [bed talk especially] strong bond and in prayer, and going and get active role in church—not to argue nor fight because of money, good and mutual understanding. If this marriage can serve as a 'model', I thank you for that. We do not expect you to follow everything, but if there is something you can emulate—I thank you. If this could be my legacy, I thank you for that. Golden anniversary will be Jan 2, 2023, only God can bring that SPECIAL DAY for us and beyond—only God holds that fate and destiny for us. Take care, balasangko. Take care your family. Take care Jun, CJ and Lia----Be humble, be respectful and be courteous and most importantly: always be honest, kind and generous for sharing what you have. Have a Blessed 2014 and beyond. God Bless, Good health and good luck!

What a wonderful feeling came to me this very day, and I consider it a “new beginning: new life, new opportunity, new challenges and the extension of the ‘journey iti pannakigasanggasat nga agbiag’ until the very moment in reaching the ‘dead end’ when time comes for going back home. “For dust thou art, and unto dust shall thou return” Genesis 3:19.

And when I say emotional and surprised, the way my daughter wrote her letter above, and now in turn, to response in a fatherly, friendly and my simplest I can.

I want her to know that trophies, certificates of recognitions and awards never replaced her place in my heart, my soul and my life. Modesty aside, my nature is a tagnawa type of person. My first love is writing, and I am a volunteer, an organizer and coordinator by training. The Laymen Missionary and Stewardship and Leadership Training in the Mission Ministry Network. Rapid Response Team and Workforce Development background. The roar of members in the Lions Club International, taming the untamed, feed the unfed, serving the elders and the orphaned children.

And this is what I wrote: Thank you so much Cheryl Lei Campos Paguirigan Yoro Balcita, thank you if you and Jun will consider my marriage with your mom to be your role model and emulate—of course you know us well—I love my roots, I love my culture, I love our heritage and the moral, spiritual sanctity of a matrimonial vow. We have lived and still living under one roof of five rooms; spent 34 thanksgiving days, 34 Christmases and yesterday 34 New Years—after we moved here from Aiea, to Waipahu, to Ewa. Though, I did not promise your mom a paradise as Mark Twain described, but I personally found a ‘paradise’ as I worked so hard and diligently earned a living from the sugar plantation for a two dollars an hour under the rain, under a sunny days and dusty field as we plant, as we replanted sugar seedlings. When we spray, cut weeds and other manual work just to earn that dollar for our daily needs in our living as an ordinary immigrant.

And from the rank of more than 600 employees, I did not lose hope climbing higher in the management level of responsibilities and played a Housing and Safety Coordinator [middle management role], then I found a ‘paradise’ in this little corner of this two busy streets as part of my bi-monthly salary working under one of the Big Fives: AMFAC/Oahu Sugar Company, that to me was a paradise found.

This house is where you were born—grew up, taught at home and grade school to college to work—I recognized and acknowledged the culture of the two different countries but still the same sun, moon, stars except in different times—in two different hemispheres and because of the International Dateline that makes it different—but my blood as a Filipino, an ordinary son of a farmer, ordinary farmer and a grandson of a Sacada 1926 is always in my veins—I understand the difference of a culture in two nations-- east and west—marriage here is way, way different: divorce, same sex marriage—is a law—while in the Philippines where I was born and got married is still the country where old Chinese, Malayans and Spanish traditions and heritage have been planted and rooted thus the preservation of the traditional marriage between man and woman is very much alive. Here in America, particularly in the Aloha State—the Melting Pot of the Pacific that sometimes Andrew Lind called it a Crossroad of the Pacific because of mixture of different nationalities and ethnic background—you have your own freedom.

Things move fast as we live in this temporal world—we are still the "Kartapilus nga Ilokano" [Jews the Wanderer] moving around just like a stranger dagiti 'makidagdagus' [looking for a room in the inn] ken mangbirbirok [seeking their identity] of who we are. We are not literally a wanderer in the sense and the facts that we dwell under a roof: we pray, eat, rest, enjoy the goodness of being well housed under a roof, a house. We are not NPA—no permanent address—we still are more fortunate than those who sleep under small tents along the street, I can share the unfortunate situation of those destitute and the homeless. My heart and soul is with these brothers and sisters and that is why I am so much involved in my Mission Day Ministry each month with the different civic organization such as the UFCH, OFCC, Sinait and Ilocos Surian and others.

Yes, we still have a long journey to walk. Walk, yes, walk with that brown legs with a positive outlook: let us do the best now because I believe there will no second chance. Thank you to Jun as well, I hope he finds himself living in a family as we have: simple, ordinary and rural-type family, and I hope he enjoys living in this environment with Lia and CJ and all variety of voices, sounds, barking dogs, crows of the morning roosters, cranking engines of different models and makes, burning tires and various living things surround us.

Let’s live and share what we can, live what you can do the best for others as you can—share, volunteer, any community service work, serve others, pray, ask, act and do a simple living—have that faith in you, be strong, be positive, humble, be safe and cautious, seek God's Guidance, for wisdom, for health, for harmony, for friendship, for everything under heaven that make you, your children a good persons: respected, courteous and honorable. Observe and follow the Golden Rule and the rules of Moses written in stone at the Mt. Sinai: The Ten Commandments.

In time in survival, always remember while swimming in the deep sea, the nostrils above the sea water level is best to survive, know how to kick your legs and crawl your hands as you are swimming and seek for any floating materials and items for a rest, and in the desserts or forest, learn to eat anything to make your stomach filled and drink anything that make your thirst quenched.

Yes, your mom and I look forward as we move on: plan for family reunion in my birthplace in our home town, join Ilocos Surian Medical Mission/Sinait Medical Mission and Homecoming—Alumni reunion—in God’s Help and Power, nothing is impossible. Your mom is looking for another pilgrimage to Europe and/or back to the Holy Land to climb the Mt. Sinai for the second time, and to be soaked again in the River of Life—the Jordan River and to ride in a back of the camel.

Last Word: don't expect for perfection. Don’t be boxed in an ‘idea’ alone and be stuck there, dreaming is good, believing is good, but, just do simple and honorable thing, action, deed, make things happen, rather than do nothing.

And remember, we were born human. Let’s live our lives in our faith and to be much stronger, wiser and with our lessons learned.